Why is sexual recovery so hard? Why such a large burnout and failure rate?

What makes sexual, food and gambling recovery so hard? Why do those addictions have such low recovery rates? Substance addiction involves the misuse of instincts, addictions involving food, sex or money are addiction to instinctive behaviour.

CREATION gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn’t be complete human beings….
(instinctive) desires… are perfectly necessary and right, and surely God-given. Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many
times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives….
When thus out of joint, man’s natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is.
No human being, however good, is exempt from these troubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens, our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental liabilities.

Addiction to Instinctive behaviour versus addiction to a substance

When the addiction is to instinctive behaviour, more complex thinking is required to manage triggers than with drugs, alcohol or smoking, where the standard recovery mantra is “stay out of the old environment and don’t pick up the first drink, drug or cigarette”

The survival instincts for food, sex and finances are built into the brain and are largely automatic. The body and brain is the old environment, not some external place we visit to procure our drug of choice.

Recovery from addiction to instinctive behaviour requires managing instinctive urges at a high level. This requires a sufficiently functioning brain and in particular, a well enough functioning neocortex (thinking brain) to overpower the impulses from the automatic survival (reptilian) brain.

Addiction is the Survival Brain hijacking the Thinking Brain

The survival brain is resistant to change as it’s the system that keeps us breathing. It can shut down the rest of your brain: emotional hijacking! We automatically use the survival brain throughout the day many times to keep us safe. That’s its job. That’s what God designed it for. The survival brain operates on instinct, automatically. The thinking brain, in contrast, involves a much more complex process

Surrender is the thinking brain rejecting the impulses from the survival brain. However, in survival mode, stuck in the survival brain, we find ourselves cut off from the ability to engage in rational thought and any memory systems, both thinking brain functions. Physiological problems in the thinking brain impair the ability to surrender. The program slogan “HALT – don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired” acknowledges this impairment. Key program issues like fear and resentment also activate the survival brain.

Surrender requires energy and attention.

Stress moves us away from our Thinking Brain and into our Survival Brain

One addiction doctor, in recovery himself, says excess stress sums up all the addiction triggers.  Stress may be in any of the areas of threefold recovery, on which 12 Step recovery is based.

We saw that our problem was three-fold: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Healing had to come about in all three. Sexaholics Anonymous p61

If healing is in all three, then inventory must also be in all three. Physical inventory is the big missing piece in addiction recovery. Low or growing levels of stress can go unobserved or appear to be normal and lead to relapse (pp 20-21). Medical Testing, (a form of inventory!) can shed light on this.

While mild stress can help us grow, too much stress over activates the survival brain and can trigger a relapse. Inventory helps us recognise and reduce our excess stress levels in all three areas. Fellowship and the steps help us deal with emotional and spiritual stress. What about the many other forms of physical stress we are under?

Recovery is mostly in the Comfort and Stretch zones. Too much stress can trigger relapse